Negative and obsessive behaviors associated with computers, blackberries, iPhones, iTouchs and plain old cell phones are on the rise. More and more adults and teens are becoming addicted to e-mailing, texting, video games, online gambling and pornography. Philip Rosenthal, Technology Addictions Consultant, encourages parents to use healthy parenting skills. Parents should communicate with their teens openly about their computer and cell phone usage. This, he felt, was the single most important factor in protecting children from dangerous online behavior. When counseling teens he would tell them "talk to your parents, tell them what is going on" and they would respond, "they will kill me or ground me for life" or "I can't talk to them; they would never understand." Rosenthal urged parents to refrain from punishing their children when faced with inappropriate, negative online behavior.
Learning how to effectively communicate with our children and manage poor behavior without punishment can save their lives. Here are some suggestions on how to do that:
Talk to Your Teens about the Dangers of the Internet in a matter of fact way:
"We just went to a lecture on internet safety. We were told that teens and adults are having more and more problems with addictive online behaviors. The speaker spoke about some things we didn't even know about, online gambling, inappropriate video games, cyber bullying, cyber suicides, obsessive texting and e-mailing and then the stuff we knew about, like pornography and predators. We want you to have the facts. We want to talk to you so that you are aware of the dangers and so that you can protect yourself."
Ask open-ended questions to initiate conversations with your child:
"What have you heard about the dangers of the internet?"
"Have any of your friends have any problems?"
"What are the views of kids your age on this stuff- what precautions are kids taking to protect themselves?"
"Are you and your friends looking out for each other on the internet?"
Show them that you respect them and value their opinion:
"You know we just read an article about internet safety- what is your opinion on this stuff?"
"What is the word on the street about the dangers of the internet?"
"What do some of the kids your age do to protect themselves from predators?"
The best way to set rules is with your teen's involvement:
"What do you think would be a fair amount of time for computer use?"
"How can we be sure that children in the house are following the rules about the internet?"
Listen and respond to what they mean not what they say:
Your child might get angry and say "All this stuff is so stupid, really what's the chance of becoming addicted anyway, only an idiot would become addicted. "You are so strict about the internet, you never let us do anything!" Your child is actually saying is this: "Please don't take a way the internet, life will be so boring without it."
Don't:
Respond with a lecture: "Really, you should have been at this talk- it is very easy to get addicted to the internet, you would be surprised at how many people are effected, what makes you think you are immune... etc."
Instead:
Reflect their feelings so that the lines of communication remain open:
"You sound upset that we will take away the internet, we really just want to talk to you guys about the dangers of it and make you aware of what is out there."
If they abuse their computer time:
Don't run to consequence, problem solve instead:
"I have been noticing that you are using the computer for longer than one hour a day- how are you going to make sure that it doesn't happen again?"
"You took the laptop into the bedroom last night- you know you are not supposed to, How can we make sure this is not going to happen again?"
Tell Your Teens Often:
"If you ever have any problems, you need to come and talk to us. We are always here to help you and keep you safe, that is our job. We love you no matter what you do. We promise we won't get angry and punish you, we will make sure you get the help you need."